30 is the new 60

I feel like a man twice my age. Exhaustion all the way down, in my bones, into the marrow. My cells are slacking and slumping through a prolonged terminal phase. I sleep in reverse, waking up more tired than the night before. Everything in me is old, everything is the same except for the pains.

Each day brings a new grimace. Fresh aches, novel soreness. A different spot where something hurts. It could be bone, muscle, joint, tendon, ligament or an organ. My feet and ankles throb all the time. They don’t stop hurting when I sit or lie down. They feel as though I’ve just finished stomping bare footed on unfinished concrete for six straight hours.

I need special shoes and socks. Custom, padded, indestructible insoles. Intelligent socks programmed to massage my feet at regular intervals. Ankle wraps, knee wraps and knee braces. Support for my hips, maybe a replacement. I need to replace myself with plastic and styrofoam. Upload myself into a computer.

There’s no thinking, only fuming. My thoughts are black gas clouds, thick smoke, the vapor of unrest. Every now and then I have an intelligent idea or a hopeful attitude. Mostly it’s just grunting over garbage emotions.

I neglect my body and agitate my mind. I have to ask myself why I seek out hurtful information, why I continually swill soul draining data. Every day loading up my broken back with the weight of the world’s idiocy. People are so dumb they can’t fathom or accept other people’s stupidity, and this hurts me. I’m one among the dumb.

It’s stupid to fight against stupidity, to be aware of obliviousness. There’s no reason to know what most other people think. Civilization is built on masking thoughts and feelings, on playing parts that protect us from each other. All of this is coming undone. We’re being led into a trap. Tell us what you think. We want to hear your opinions. 

I watched a video of an old white woman being a racist in a walmart. If you call someone a nigger in public, you’ll end up on CNN. The world is aghast. We were all shocked when an old racist white woman in Arkansas says exactly what we would all expect her to think.

But right thinking people of the world wouldn’t let white supremacy get away with this one. They had to resist the towering, implacable yet sneaking, invisible, covert white power that allows pampered, cushioned, old white walmart shoppers to call people niggers as they load up their carts with cheap foreign junk before hobbling back to their ramshackle hovels.

So people from all over the world gathered into a mob for another electronic lynching. Thousands and thousands of scathing comments and shows of support for the assailed minorities followed. Some on the right think these displays of anti-racist animus are driven by the desire for status or distinction. This is a mistake. People don’t denounce racists to stand out, to signal something special about themselves. They do it to blend in, to lose themselves in a group.

The individual, the one who stands out, is the target of the group’s rage. It feels good to isolate and punish transgressive individuals. It’s an ancient instinct operating at full power, even in sophisticated, worldly people like our dedicated, progressive, individualistic anti-racists.

Ostensibly, it’s the old white woman who enjoys an expanse of unearned privileges and comforts, while the poor mexicans and blacks face unending hostility and aggression from a callous, white majority society. But what happens when those poor mexicans and blacks capture a racist outburst against themselves on tape?

Masses of uninvolved, unconnected people trip over themselves to defend the victims. The racism that was formerly confined to the attitude of an old white woman towards two other walmart shoppers explodes into a globe spanning hatefest. The buzzing, swarming coalition of crusading anti-racists directs its frothing disapproval in one direction only, against the white offender, the lone individual with all the systemically supported power.

A local, minor social disturbance takes on immense significance because we live in a technological milieu of cheap, easy, instantaneous transmission and amplification. First the local environment is disordered through community destroying economic and immigration policies. And then the resulting tensions and conflicts between incompatible, desperate people are broadcasted, magnified and distorted out of all proportion. The ensuing, remote, rapid fire involvement is effortless and addictively gratifying.

Many of the comments in response to the video were interesting. Racist piece of shit, white trash scum. Just another racist redneck. Donal Trump made this okay. We should take legal action. Get her fired. Find out who she is. I wish I were the one she called a nigger.

That last one is particularly revealing. And it’s not just black people that wish for such things. There’s a type of character, narcissistic and passive, who fantasizes about being wronged in an obvious and offensive way so that they finally feel empowered to act, to strike back and get revenge.

As you can see from a small sampling of the comments, people who gathered online to condemn this old white woman don’t see racism as a pervasive manifestation of irrepressible group conflict. If they did, they’d think twice before calling a white person a redneck or white trash. They might restrain their own response to an event that doesn’t concern them.

They’d see this woman’s racism as an expression of her own in-group loyalty (rude as it may be) which doesn’t differ fundamentally from their own. The old woman prefers others like herself in appearance and culture, as most people always have. But these people only think of racism as a force that whites wield and impose on nonwhites.

So when they call an old white woman white trash, it’s not their own racism acting up, it’s their activism. The racial slurs comes from a place of purity. Only whites are racist, and only nonwhites can be victims of racism. And since racism is the ultimate modern evil, and humanity has clawed its way to the apex of enlightenment and glimpsed the glory of a faded white, mud mustard future, no tactic or term is too ugly, mean, or offensive when fighting the evil enemy in this cataclysmic clash.

Millions and millions of views, hundreds of thousands of comments, all just, all automatic. I don’t think a single person expressed any sympathy for the old woman. It would be one thing if they caught a white CEO calling a mexican a spic, or an NFL athlete calling a lisping reporter a faggot.

Then the harsh reactions would be more understandable. Far from a superstar athlete or a slimy executive, this was an old woman shopping at walmart. Did it occur to anyone that this woman is probably poor? Maybe even on disability? She could have mental health issues. Any number of possible explanations come to mind that would increase sympathy for her plight. I thought we took pity on the poor.

Liberals are proud of their sensitivity. And they are cunning sophists when it’s time to make excuses for the bad behavior of the downtrodden. They come up with plenty of gymnastic reasons for why De’trayvius isn’t to blame when he burns down a korean owned liquor store. When minorities commit crimes and engage in anti-social, destructive behavior, liberals draw on an inexhaustible reserve of sympathy and compassion. They see the other side of the story, the side of the oppressed creature.

A pack of paki’s abducting and grooming white children for sex slavery? Not their fault. Grubby somalians assaulting and groping german women on the streets? Not their fault. Ahmed blowing himself up in a crowded cafe? Not his fault. Blacks and hispanics underperforming across the board in all academic categories?Also not their fault.

An old, racist white woman impotently acting out in a Walmart? She’s fully at fault. Liberals become exacting, uncompromising judges when examining the behavior of racist whites. Then it’s no excuses, no compromises, and no sympathy.

Another thing liberals like to do is mock christian hypocrisy. They smugly remind christians that Jesus preferred the company of sinners. How could christians judge or exclude the suffering, misunderstood homos and whores? Jesus hung around hookers, he accepted and loved everyone.

Well, the most violently condemned, forcefully excluded and socially approved targets of life destroying shame in our society are white racists. I would think if Jesus were casting his lot with the sinners of today, he’d be chumming it up with the poor racists. If liberals are going to pretend that the behavior of jesus was worthy of emulation, shouldn’t they be humbling themselves before the truly abject outcasts of our society?Shouldn’t they forgive the benighted whites?

No matter how old, fat, and poor you may be, if you’re white, no one will make excuses for you. No one will come to your aid, give you support or try to understand your point of view. There will be no advocacy on your behalf. They will tear you apart out of love for the other. You’re never the other, so you will not be pitied.

As for me, I’m poor, white, and feeling way older than I am. I’ll be sure to stay out of Walmart. I’ll get my chinese trinkets online, where I can make racist comments anonymously.

Author: The Empty Subject

Born curmudgeon

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