Friday night. Nothing to do, no one to see, and no drugs to take. Haven’t talked to anyone since a faceless pathogen sabotaged my body earlier this week. I might have exaggerated the severity of the sickness. But in the interest of remaining a reliable narrator, in all honesty I truly did feel like shit.
Now I’m functional again and back to thinking about how I can gain a social life. It’s impossible. I’ve watched too many Jared Taylor videos and read too many VDARE and American Renaissance articles. I’ve laughed way too hard at Sam Hyde and World Peace. Nodded my head in agreement with the shitposts on My Posting Career. Also, if you’re unfamiliar with these references, please for the love of god don’t check them out. Especially if you have friends, family and a job.
With all the authorial authority I’ve built over years of grueling blogging, I strongly recommend avoiding people and websites with life wrecking knowledge and humor. You won’t be able to live like the person you were before. Your days of decency will be over. If you’re reading this then it may already be too late.
There’s only so much fringe media a man can absorb before it starts to remake his mind and isolate him from the rest of society. And unless he can find a real, living network of like minded people, he’s going to wind up silent and alone. Lost in a savage land, knocking on the gates of madness.
Now, I used to think of myself as an independent thinker, because that’s what people recommended. I grew up in a more traditionally oriented small town, white, lower middle class and protestant, but my parents and closest friends were casually liberal.
Furthermore, the message of consolidated corporate media was individualistic, rebellious, and anti authority. At the time I was unaware of further alternatives. It was either dumb, religious rednecks or the cool, smart, open minded liberals, who were much fewer in number and appealed more to my desire to be different.
You can’t think for yourself before someone tells you who to think for, so if people tell you to think for yourself, that’s who you tell yourself you’re thinking for. Humans are apes, and apes are imitative. When you begin thinking, you’re imitating the thinker before you have time to think it through. You’re a Rodin sculpture rather than a free spirit.
Society not only gives you instructions, it gives you models. So you can watch and learn to be a good critical thinker, and use signs to show others you’re not like the others. It’s a matter of attitude, posture, and style. It’s repetition of stock arguments and canned outrages. Stats when you need them and stat skepticism when you don’t. A full wardrobe for feigning, disdaining intellect to wear for every occasion.
You read the right people and say the right things. You hate yourself enough for everyone else to love you. And then one day you lose the trappings of intelligence. Time teaches you that what you know intuitively is worth defending. You stop hating yourself, which makes others hate you.
The fear of appearing stupid is stultifying. And it leads to embarrassing, approval seeking behavior. Break free, critical conformists, from the dogmas of the free thinkers.